When the Blood Thumps in My Ears

Kelleigh W.Hudson
4 days ago
4 min read

Being open and transparent, there are moments when my body tells a story before my mind can catch up. My heart begins to race, my chest feels tight, and sometimes I can literally feel the blood thumping in my ears. It feels loud, overwhelming, and exhausting all at once.

For a long time, I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I wondered if I was just anxious, if I wasn’t trusting God enough, or if I simply needed to pray harder. But as I’ve continued on my healing journey, I’ve learned that sometimes our bodies carry what our hearts have been through. And I’ve also learned something beautiful, that God meets us there too, in the anxiousness and in the lowness.

Carrying More Than I Realised

Over the years, so much happened in such a short space of time.

I set up ministry, supported others in their visions, worked in supported housing, provided pastoral care, parented, worked, studied, and became an ordained minister, all within a relatively short period of time.

Looking back now, I can see just how much responsibility, pressure, and emotional weight I was carrying not just mine but also those around me.

At the time, I thought pushing through tiredness, pain of past trauma and present hurt, meant faithfulness and at the same time felt safe, I believed slowing down was weakness.

But then my body forced me to stop.

Through a broken leg and later heel surgery, I was physically down for over a year 18 months really and still in recovery now.

Everything suddenly ceased, the busyness, the building, the constant doing.

And in that stillness, I realised how depleted I really was emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally.

When Rest Felt Like Failure

What surprised me most was how hard I found it to rest, so much so I felt it was a forced rest! I was unable to walk, get in the bath on my own cook....nothing just stuck!!

Part of me felt that putting down tools was sinful, that I needed to push through!

That if I slowed down, I wasn’t walking in my calling anymore or everything I had achieved was going to fade away.

But Scripture gently reminded me that there is

“a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”

Ecclesiastes 3:1

This wasn’t the end of my calling.

It was a change of season.

Finding Myself in Elijah

In the middle of feeling burnt out and empty, I asked God a simple prayer:

“Lord, show me someone in the Bible who understands this.”

And that’s when Elijah’s story stood out to me in a way it never had before.

James tells us, “Elijah was a human being, even as we are”

James 5:17

Not a superhero, not immune to exhaustion Just human like me, and like you.

Elijah experienced powerful moments of fire where God moved mightily, he saw seasons of rain where restoration came.

And then he collapsed in exhaustion! Now I am exhausted too, my body hurts, my mind is racing, my heart is loud and spiritually I am depleted.

God’s Compassion in the Overwhelm

When Elijah was overwhelmed and ready to give up, God didn’t rebuke him.

The Bible tells us:

“He lay down under a bush and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, ‘Get up and eat.’”

1 Kings 19:5

God provided food, water, and rest. And then again:

“Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.”

1 Kings 19:7

That verse spoke deeply to my heart, sometimes the journey really is too much and God knows it, He truly understands when we’ve been carrying more than we can hold.

A New Season of Gentleness

As I reflected on Elijah’s journey, I realised something that brought so much peace.

God was in the fire seasons where things moved quickly and powerfully.God was in the rain seasons where restoration came.And God was in the silence the season I was now living in.

This wasn’t failure.

It was God shifting the pace.

Instead of intense striving, He was inviting me into something gentler.

Home groups instead of heavy building. Blogs instead of constant output. Soft prayer ministry instead of pressure. Healthier boundaries instead of exhaustion.

And slowly, I began to heal.

God Is Close to the Weary

Scripture promises us:

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 34:18

And Jesus Himself invites us:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

God never asked me to push harder.

He invited me to rest.

You Are Not Broken

If you’ve ever felt burnt out, overwhelmed, or empty, I want you to know this you are not broken.

Sometimes you’ve just been strong for too long.

God sees you.God understands you.And God is gentle with you.

A Prayer for Those Feeling Depleted

Lord, for anyone reading this who feels exhausted and overwhelmed, I ask that You bring peace and restoration. Help us release what we’ve been carrying and trust You in seasons of rest and healing. Thank You that You meet us with compassion and not condemnation.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.